I was with a coachee this week discussing what he termed “A very bad week”, and I was less alarmed than he was at his very strong reaction to the way he had been treated. In fact, the individual was being bullied by his superior and this occurs much more often than we imagine. What was interesting was that the individual was surprised at his response, and he took it very badly and there was a great deal of emotional fallout. I was not surprised and was relieved to find out that he reacted badly and hadn’t been so brainwashed by this often-repeated behaviour that he was able to react. I’ve noticed that where there is persistent, aggressive, unreasonable and bad behaviour (for that matter in relationships, as well as in the workplace), people become inured to what is an unacceptable attack.
Last week there was a female employee of a different client who was very pleased to have received an apology for some appalling behaviour, but this is after the event. It always reminds me of a barrister being slapped down by a judge for raising something that has to be disregarded by the jury - it’s too late and it’s a device sometimes used to get a point across which the barrister knows full well will not be admissible. Likewise, in the workplace the damage is already done and it’s very nice to receive an apology that is genuine, but nonetheless the damage has passed the point, and the fallout has been experienced. The reason for this is that some individuals turn their dark side in on themselves whereas others turn their dark side, in terms of behaviour, on other people. This is absolutely unacceptable as that fallout is far greater and often those who are bullied do not have the wherewithal to push back.
There are many techniques for pushing back which we cover in coaching where the need arises. The use of psychometrics also helps to identify both the traits that might produce this kind of fallout through excessive demonstrations of certain kinds of traits but also identify those who find it more difficult to push back and how we might go about it in a conscious way to enable them to experience less damage from this bad behaviour and fallout.
Please do get in touch if you would like help with any of the above.
